theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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