cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
