you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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