I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
