I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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