he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
