I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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