I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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