I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
