my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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