Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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