I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
