i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
