I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
