doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
