sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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