garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
