She said her name was "party"
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
that is very illegal...i love you.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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