Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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