The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
