I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well I just put wine in my tea
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
