I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
