Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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