Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
