i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
