Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm like, not good at living.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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