Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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