I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
