I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
