BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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