why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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