she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
