Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
