I think I won the penis lottery.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
