I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
