i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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