someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
