You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
