I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
