Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
