I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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