Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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