You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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