I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
