she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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