also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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