One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
