You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
