Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
