her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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